Thursday, September 6, 2007

Preferred Cranky Old Man For President

There is a stupid fad that is circulating these days. That fad is Ron Paul.

Ron Paul is a very conservative Republican, yet otherwise sensible young people, even liberals, think that he is the best man to lead the country. "But, he's a libertarian! He's anti-government and pro-freedom!"

I ask you to consider a few of his positions.

1. Ron Paul is a an Ayn Rand superstar. That is to say a monster. He believes that corporations ought to have more freedom to do whatever they want and ordinary people have no right to stand in their way. Remember the Gilded Age? When ordinary people worked ridiculously long hours for ridiculously low wages in hazardous conditions? Ron Paul wants to take us back to that wonderful age of limited social mobility and the virtual enslavement of everyone in America to the interests of robber barons and corrupt tycoons. HMOs? More of them! Telecom corporations? Less oversight! Education? None for poor people!

2. Ron Paul wants freedom for everyone... as long as that freedom doesn't extend to your uterus. He is pro-life.

3. He supports drilling the shit out of Alaska for it's oil and fucking each and every polar bear in the ass just to prove his point.

4. His stance on immigration: refuse amnesty, defund social services for EVERYONE in the country, and build a big-ass wall. Xenophobia never tasted so good.

5. He supports the gold fucking standard. I'm absolutely serious.

I'm sympathetic to the idea of electing a crusty old man who's sick of the government telling you who you can have sex with, what you can smoke, and who you have to kill to defend freedom against terror. Ron Paul though is just an arch-conservative offering us some Warren G. Harding shit and saying it's an improvement. Who's your man then?

Mike Gravel. Look him up. He's got all the good things that Ron Paul offers, plus he's an honest-to-god liberal who has no intention of screwing the poor of this country as spectacularly as Ron Paul has planned. Take your time, Google, whatever. Trust me on this. Or, if you don't, allow me to refer you to his brilliant campaign ads. They are quite possibly the best ads in political history.

Rock



Fire


Hilary Soprano

This is actually a Hilary Clinton ad. It's kind of wooden, but the concept behind it is bold and clever. It's a take-off on the last episode of Sopranos and pretty smart. It takes balls to deliberately compare yourself to a murderous mob boss in such an important campaign just to get off an inside-joke laugh. If she was this clever and bold about any of the actual issues she might win some real votes.

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